{"id":268,"date":"2012-08-11T17:41:26","date_gmt":"2012-08-11T21:41:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/?page_id=268"},"modified":"2013-02-12T10:51:44","modified_gmt":"2013-02-12T15:51:44","slug":"fate","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/j-m-brink\/fate\/","title":{"rendered":"Fate"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHi!\u00a0 I\u2019m Fate, would you like to dance?\u201d said a voice full of laughter in tones that seemed incapable of not sounding vaguely musical.\u00a0 I turned to find myself looking into the eyes of one of the most gorgeous creatures I\u2019d ever seen.<\/p>\n

She was taller than myself, at least then; I still wasn\u2019t quite full grown at the time.\u00a0 She wore a light filmy dress that didn\u2019t quite<\/em> reveal the corish\u2019sha she had traced her body with, though her arms and shoulders were bared and clearly displayed the lines that began at her fingertips and twirled and twined their ways toward her more intimate areas.<\/p>\n

Her eyes were like obsidian pools with flecks of starlight trapped in their depths, her hair was long, wavy, and a subtle auburn that made me wonder if something could actually make silk out of copper and bronze.\u00a0 Her skin was like caramel and flawless.\u00a0 She was clearly almost half again my own age \u2013 probably nineteen to twenty-two.\u00a0 I suddenly found it hard to breathe and fought hard to avoid letting my jaw drop.<\/p>\n

\u201cS-Sure,\u201d I finally managed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d love to,\u201d I added with feeling.\u00a0 The dance was a slow, soft one meant for couples to dance close, and I thanked the gods for such luck as she took my hand in her own.\u00a0 It felt like living satin.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re an amazing dancer,\u201d she flattered when we\u2019d finished, but then it occurred to me she might have meant it.\u00a0 Her own dancing, while good, hadn\u2019t been any more perfect than my own \u2013 but it was hard to think of my dancing as anything but flawed, as I knew too many dancers.<\/p>\n

I also didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled and I melted.\u00a0 \u201cSo, do you have a name or should I just call you \u2018beautiful\u2019?\u201d she asked, teasing, with the stars in her eyes twinkling.<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena,\u201d I said a little shyly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, a lovely name.\u00a0 Convienient.\u00a0 I can name you \u2018beautiful\u2019 or call you by a beautiful name.\u00a0 Can\u2019t ask for simpler.\u201d<\/p>\n

I smiled back.\u00a0 We spent the rest of that Summer Fest party together and went to the ball later in the sulid together.\u00a0 She had a friend who was in a position to get her a pair of tickets for a concert by Triflixta, perfect seats too, right by the stage, and an introduction to the band.\u00a0 It turned out that they were her favourite band too, so we were both so excited it\u2019s no small miracle neither of us wet ourselves.<\/p>\n

She seemed a godssent breath of fresh air \u2013 a spiritual and psychic salve that spent the next several korvare soothing the stresses of being a newly minted Professor, and one who was semi-famous on top of it all.\u00a0 My paper had got a lot of attention as scientists and mathematicians across half the Milky Way, a quarter of Galfarra, and even a few Vortonians praised or derided it.\u00a0 I\u2019d spent three years at Delthakk University perfecting it even when my entire family moved back to Ireland.\u00a0 I had elected to stay and, while I never regretted<\/em> it, it was still lonely to have six and a half hundred parsecs between myself and my family.\u00a0 Fate healed the loneliness, soothed the frustrations and stresses.\u00a0 I still had a lot of work to do.\u00a0 I\u2019d developed my mathematics; I\u2019d learnt the secrets of what I\u2019d dreamt since I was hearing Heinlein\u2019s stories read to me by my Grandfather as I sat on his knee beside the fire as a little girl.\u00a0 I had the keys, but I couldn\u2019t see the door, or perhaps the other way around.\u00a0 Still, she was a welcome distraction.\u00a0 Maybe she did delay my progress, but she prevented my going mad so it was well worth it.<\/p>\n

We went to all manner of things together.\u00a0 I\u2019d never been a homebound sequestered sort, but she showed me things I\u2019d never thought of.\u00a0 Rock climbing, diving, Londrellich opera \u2026 In my turn I taught her flying, skating, and the guitar.\u00a0 She taught me many other things.\u00a0 I\u2019d certainly dated, but she was my first lover; she was imaginative and willing, and I was eager enough.\u00a0 Before long I knew I was in love.<\/p>\n

I would lose nulaire at a time to day dreams of she and I married, of our beautiful children, of the gorgeous wedding, of growing old with my beautiful, wonderful, witty, amazing Fate.<\/p>\n

Such an appropriate name<\/em>, I often thought.<\/p>\n

It was after we\u2019d gone dancing at a zero-grav club over New Junil one day in Okona; we were lying together in my bed, she was asleep and looking like a goddess more than ever, somehow.\u00a0 I\u2019d made up my mind.\u00a0 I wanted to spend my life with her.\u00a0 I planned it all in a few heartbeats and fell asleep with a smile so content and happy it would shame a cat who\u2019d just got its fill of cream, my heart near to bursting with the excitement and joy.<\/p>\n

Next day I took her to her favourite little Allurian caf\u00e9 in Jarlikt where they have shanrinad and make a delicious vaelihs.\u00a0 There I told her.<\/p>\n

\u201cFate, I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLove ya too, hon,\u201d she said in that cute absentminded way she always did.\u00a0 I always found it so charming.<\/p>\n

Taking a deep breath and smiling, no thoughts that she would be less than thrilled at my next words ever entered my mind as even a remote possibility.\u00a0 As a scientist I know I shouldn\u2019t believe there\u2019s any such thing as impossible, but try to convince the Human mind of that.\u00a0 Besides \u2013 it is<\/em> a paradox; if nothing is impossible then it\u2019s possible that something isn\u2019t possible.\u00a0 Still, it\u2019s a better way to examine the universe.\u00a0 If impossible is a dirty word, then you don\u2019t miss the wonders before you.\u00a0 I\u2019ve done my best to never forget that again.\u00a0 I still do sometimes, but thankfully never on anything so major again.<\/p>\n

\u201cLove, I think we ought to get married.\u00a0 I mean, wouldn\u2019t it be great?\u00a0 Together, you and I, forever?\u00a0 Raising our beautiful children, waking up in one another\u2019s arms every morning and falling asleep in them every night?\u00a0 I think we should have a wedding.\u00a0 I think they\u2019re beautiful, and there\u2019s something so \u2026 real<\/em> about it all then, don\u2019t you agree?\u00a0 And \u2026 and,\u201d I stumbled.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena, you\u2019ve got to calm down.\u00a0 Hon, you\u2019re cute and all, and a fun lay.\u00a0 And you can be fun to hang out with, but why would I want to marry a little girl like you?!\u201d<\/p>\n

I blinked at her.\u00a0 I stared into her eyes.\u00a0 The ebon depths seemed cold, now I looked at them properly.\u00a0 Her words of love suddenly echoed through my mind as it occurred to me that they\u2019d always rung hollow \u2013 every one of them.\u00a0 The adorable absentminded manner wasn\u2019t; it was just distracted non-concern and auto-reply.\u00a0 I was shattered.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t slap her.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t say a cruel word to her.\u00a0 I stared in pleading disbelief.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh come on<\/em>, Serena!\u00a0 You weren\u2019t serious<\/em> were you?\u00a0 Spirits but \u2026\u00a0 See?\u00a0 This is exactly what I mean.\u00a0 You\u2019re just a girl.\u00a0 That whole marriage and children mess?\u00a0 Crying like this?\u00a0 Childish day dreams and baby tears.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice echoed in what remained of my heart, and it shattered those pieces like an Italian operatic soprano I saw once did a crystal glass.<\/p>\n

I ran from the caf\u00e9 tossing a handful of credits on the table as I stood.\u00a0 I needed my mother and father.\u00a0 I needed my strong, wise, weathered grandfather and my firey, kind, tiny grandmother.\u00a0 I needed my patient, statuesque, demure granny.\u00a0 Even my sister and brother, I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 I needed held<\/em>!\u00a0 I needed the arms that had comforted me as a baby.\u00a0 The people who I could never doubt loved me as, right then, I felt lost and empty.\u00a0 I went to the next best place from my parents\u2019, over six hundred parsecs away, arms.\u00a0 Next door to my home was a huge, wonderful, loving family who had become fast friends with my own.\u00a0 One of my best friends in all the universe was their son, Richie, and I looked to his parents as almost my own.\u00a0 Certainly they counted myself among their many daughters.<\/p>\n

At that time of day the most likely person to meet as I entered the home was Viktor as he sat smoking his pipe on the porch or reading in their library.\u00a0 Today was no exception as I came upon him reading some stupid old Dickens novel, in the living room it turned out.<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena?\u00a0 What\u2019s oomph<\/em>!\u201d he started to say looking up from his book as I came in, but had the words knocked out of him along with his breath as I ran into his arms crying harder than ever and, possibly, clung a bit tightly at first, and might have collided with his chest with a tiny bit too much velocity.<\/p>\n

He held me for a full half of a nulair as I cried and hiccoughed myself into exhaustion.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t speak; I couldn\u2019t think; I couldn\u2019t even feel<\/em> except for the bleeding, aching pain and sense of loss.\u00a0 To his credit he didn\u2019t make the slightest effort to ask me to do any of it, except maybe feeling \u2013 I suppose he hoped his soothing sounds and words and warm strong arms would help me feel better.<\/p>\n

In time it did.\u00a0 Especially when Sarah, the family\u2019s newly minted leytgelez, came into the room and, without a word or a moment\u2019s pause joined her father in holding and comforting me once she saw me \u2013 completely forgetting about whatever errand or question had brought her there.<\/p>\n

When my tears subsided and I was breathing more properly Sarah kissed my head, a feat she could never have managed had I not been virtually folded in her father\u2019s lap, and got up, returning shortly with a small glass of some of the poteen my grandfather makes and sends myself and Viktor occasional jugs of.\u00a0 She handed me the glass and waited until I\u2019d taken a few sips of the powerful liquor that so reminded me of being a little girl living beside my grandparents and playing among the barrels and tanks of grandfather\u2019s distillery.<\/p>\n

I shook my head amusedly.\u00a0 \u201cAt this rate you\u2019ll be running the Salon and Her Ladyship will be apprenticed to you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

She blushed behind her freckles at the praise.\u00a0 All she\u2019d ever wanted was to work at the Salon like her Grandma Gretchen, and she idolised Lady Salarissa and several other leytgeleshi.\u00a0 No one would have been surprised if she\u2019d joined at four, having been born with the perfect temperament and talents for it.\u00a0 The young apprentice was blossoming beautifully.\u00a0 Her natural grace and her attentive and caring personality were rapidly becoming flawless fluid movement and veritable mind-reading.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, sweetie?\u201d she asked with infinite concern in her voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cFate.\u00a0 She \u2026\u201d I couldn\u2019t say it.<\/p>\n

Viktor looked a mix of sad and furious while Sarah looked on the verge of tears.\u00a0 Though, being Viktor and Ren\u2019s daughter and a true redhead, there was a trace of outrage in her eyes as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe, what?\u201d Viktor asked softly, gently, but also somewhat commanding; suddenly I could see the legendary war hero and half-Mugdarran that I knew, only academically, he was.\u00a0 He\u2019d always, otherwise, been an eccentric literature professor and unremarkably Human if a large-ish specimen.<\/p>\n

I told them.\u00a0 Sobbing and choking and hiccoughing my way through I told them how I felt and how I\u2019d decided to tell Fate and how she\u2019d responded.\u00a0 I wished, for the first time in my life, in all sincerity that I lacked my perfect recall.\u00a0 I was able to hear her every hurtful word filled with laugher as I spoke, I could see every little nuance of voice or expression the whole time I\u2019d known her that could have \u2013 had I been looking for it \u2013 been a sign of her true feelings \u2026 or more to the point the lack thereof.<\/p>\n

Their expressions both made me add, \u201cPlease.\u00a0 Leave her be.\u00a0 I love her.\u00a0 Despite this, I love her and don\u2019t want to see anything happen to her.\u201d\u00a0 I hated myself right then.\u00a0 I was ashamed of still loving, of still caring about her, but I couldn\u2019t stop.<\/p>\n

Sarah, again, proved she was ready made for her profession.\u00a0 \u201cOf course we won\u2019t!\u00a0 And there\u2019s nothing wrong with still loving her.\u00a0 It proves you really did in the first place and that you can still feel that love, to acknowledge it and let it keep you from wanting her to hurt, or to feel as badly as you do, just makes you a better person than she is, and a better person than anyone could ever actually deserve.\u201d\u00a0 She hugged me to her, and kissed me softly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m needed at the Salon,\u201d she said sadly.\u00a0 \u201cWill you be all right?\u00a0 Would you like to come with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

She clearly was not going anywhere, even if the universe began to crumble around us, until she knew I was going to be okay.\u00a0 \u201cGo on.\u00a0 I\u2019ll \u2026 I\u2019ll live.\u00a0 I\u2019m going \u2026 May I borrow Stardust?\u00a0 I think I need a ride to clear my head.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled sweetly.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s all yours,\u201d she said hugging and kissing me again then looking at me searchingly before she brushed a tear from my cheek and left, hugging and kissing her father goodbye on the way.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure you\u2019ll be all right?\u201d he asked sounding almost as concerned as Sarah had.<\/p>\n

I shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cEventually.\u00a0 Lots of beautiful women in the universe.\u00a0 One<\/em> of them has to like too smart blonde Human girls \u2026 right?\u201d<\/p>\n

He chuckled a little.\u00a0 \u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hugged and kissed him.\u00a0 \u201cThanks.\u00a0 I \u2026 I wanted Mum and Da, but you were a good substitute.\u201d<\/p>\n

He hugged me back and when he let go I ran out to the stables to saddle up Sarah\u2019s handsome teenaged speckled grey and lost myself in thoughts as he picked his own way along the game trails and meadows of the Stathelv Forest.\u00a0 It was dark before Stardust determinedly carried me back to the house, tired of the trails and ready for a rub down and a nice ripe can\u0135or for his trouble.\u00a0 His coat was shining silk by the time I finished, and he happily ate both of the can\u0135oris I gave him.\u00a0 He\u2019s as therapeutic as his mistress for troubles.<\/p>\n

I still hurt for a while, and a sulid later at my birthday I wasn\u2019t as happy as I could have been, but I got over it.\u00a0 I met other women.\u00a0 None I felt so strongly for as Fate, but they proved to me I could be loved and safely love back which Richie suggested I had issues with.\u00a0 I still tell him he was full of it though, since I not only hate<\/em> telling that ego he was right, I also feel so stupid for the whole thing.\u00a0 Eventually I even found someone I love so very much more than Fate I often find it hard to call what I felt for her \u2018love\u2019 anymore by comparison, and we\u2019re living happily ever after.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHi!\u00a0 I\u2019m Fate, would you like to dance?\u201d said a voice full of laughter in tones that seemed incapable of not sounding vaguely musical.\u00a0 I turned to find myself looking into the eyes of one of the most gorgeous creatures … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":6,"menu_order":8,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-268","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P1Y5CS-4k","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/268","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=268"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/268\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":55382,"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/268\/revisions\/55382"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/universal-nexus.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=268"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}